Become an Expert at Change and Get What You Want

February 27th, 2014

What actually permits you to change?  There may be some pretty big things that we’re going to have to change about ourselves in order to have the things that we want.  The bigger things that must change and that will change this year likely are things you haven’t even viewed or identified or have in your awareness at all.

In order to get what you want, you have to become a change expert with yourself, and also with others.  I’m going to give you the best education, the cutting edge of how change works. A hint, it centers on ecological support.

The Three Pieces of Change

When you normally think about change, let’s say you’re a coach or you’re a friend or you’re a mentor or you’re thinking about changing yourself, normally there are a few pieces that come into the scene.

  • The first one is you.
  • The second one is what you want.
  • The third piece is an obstacle.

So there’s you, there’s something you want, and there’s an obstacle in the way.

Most advice, coaching, achievement, modalities, any time someone is trying to change something, they’re basically messing around with those pieces.  That’s been my observation.  You try and reframe the obstacle and move the obstacle around.  The first attempt is like, “Let’s try to go harder or faster.  Let’s put more money on it.  Let’s try and go around the obstacle.”

Once that’s not working, “Let’s change this and if we can’t change this, then let’s change that.”  That’s the sequence.  Switching things around to try to make your goal happen.

I believe that anytime you’re struggling with something for more than a month or two, maybe three months, it’s a clear indication that you have identified the wrong problem.  In other words, you have a result that you’re trying to change and then you have the problem that you think is causing that result.  But if it doesn’t change pretty naturally and easily, then you haven’t identified the right problem.

Humans are incredibly resourceful beings and if you’ve identified the right problem, you’re going to solve it.

The problem that’s causing your inability to get what you want, assuming that you’ve gone and tried, gone and tried, gone and tried, is a fourth piece called ecology.  To put it briefly, ecology is the environment of support for what you want.

get what you want - change and ecologyEcology and Change

This ecology works like a rubber band.  We, through force of will, move in the direction of what we want, and what happens to the rubber band as we move closer?  It stretches and stretches and stretches to its limit and then our willpower gives out because it’s a finite resource.

We’re expending the willpower, just stretching against the rubber band until it gives out. Then we usually have a little bit of a recoil as it snaps back to one.

Just like in nature, every action has an equal and opposite reaction.  The force against this rubber band toward what you want, your willpower, and the equal force from ecology coming from the other direction.  Our consistent experience of life is the natural balance between what is supported and our willpower.  We’re pressing up against the rubber band at a nice, comfortable tension at all times in the direction of the things we want.

Expanding Your Ecological Support

Have you ever had the experience that you have an obstacle and then you solve it and then you have a new obstacle, which is roughly the same distance between you and what you want, but it’s a totally different complexion to the obstacle.  It used to be sales.  Now it’s marketing.  Learn marketing.  Then there’s a new obstacle, which looks different and requires a different approach.

As we go crashing towards what we want this time and then we start to be pulled back by the tension, we have a question mark called why didn’t I get there?  We go, “It was the obstacle,” or the other default response is, “I just self-sabotaged.  I sabotaged myself.”

Newsflash.  You don’t do self-sabotage.  It’s not true.  What’s true is that you’re stretching your ecological support to its limit and then receding.

The Function of Ecological Support

Why do we have this thing called ecological support?  Wouldn’t life be better without it?  Then we could just go where we want at a nice leisurely pace.  It would require almost no willpower and we could just have whatever we want at all times.  It sounds good, but there’s a very important function that ecology serves, which is literally to keep us safe.

I’ll be diving deeper into ecological support and how it fulfills this function next week, so tune back in then! In the meantime, I invite you to leave a comment about your biggest obstacles…

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